I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
