I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
