the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
