Duck Duck Cougar?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize