Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
