I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
