I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize