no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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