IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
