Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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