I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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