Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
