So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
