So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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