Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
