just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
