Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize