in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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