I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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