while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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