Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
