Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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