don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
