masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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