just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
