Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
