I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
