The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
