I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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