My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
