Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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