ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
