Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
