I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
