I am puke
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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