either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
