she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
