what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
