I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Will exercising make me less horny?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
