Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
