there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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