i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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