I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
