i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
