Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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