No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
