I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
