ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
