Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
