Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
