i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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