I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
