my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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