How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
