Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
