just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
