fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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