Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
