Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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