omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
