SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize