Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
