I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
