He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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