I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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