I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
