We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
